Someone asked me last night if I was missing the freedom I was occasionally getting during the day when my youngest was at kinder and the other two at school? It’s a good question… and yes, I do miss it… but it got me thinking…
It’s all about balance, isn’t it?!
Weighing up pros and cons…
Every gain has a sacrifice attached to it… the question is which sacrifice is worth more than another?
On reflection, I have to say that the hours of the day when he was at school did not compensate for the hour in the morning where I’d often struggle to get him to want to go to school, or the hours between when school ended and he went to bed (often that was dragged out as he coped with the anxieties brought on by school). In those hours after school I’d often have to brace myself for what the day had brought. Would it be tears, moodiness, anxiety. Would I need to talk him out of feeling down? Would I need to try (usually unsuccessfully) to pep him up? Would there be anger or attitude?
All of this affects a family. People tiptoe around. Spend energy trying to make him feel better to no avail. Work to problem solve. And all around is this heaviness. This sense of helplessness. And it gets you down. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year. And every time he had a good week (and there were good weeks, don’t get me wrong!), you’d hope… hope that things might be changing… and he’d be upbeat and positive…
And then it would all come crashing down again…
It’s no way to live.
I will never forget the note I received a couple of years ago… “I am a stupid piece of rubbish”… Brought on by yet another incident at school.
This is a kid who has grown up in a family where he is loved, valued, accepted for who he is.
It is heartbreaking to have your young kid feel this way.
You feel powerless.
Believe me, you want to bang heads.
You want to protect your kid from feeling this way.
That’s what a mother does, right?
Yes, that IS what a mother does…
So… yes… I do miss having time to myself during the day… but believe me, I am 100% committed to this being the right sacrifice to make for him. And honestly, I feel less stressed, because I don’t worry about him every day.